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  • 染指五月·心情隨筆 - 隨筆小札 - 火種文學網_中國公益文學開拓者!
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    染指五月·心情隨筆
    2019-05-26 04:46:31自薦百家號 作者:琉璃姬 】 瀏覽:999次 評論:1
    編者按:多愁善感了嗎?考慮那么多,不如一如既往的做事。這篇文章給你的身心和發展是減分的。“凡所有相,皆是虛妄”,守住本心,做好自己。

      有人說五月是一種病,他代表某種燥熱的起源,無法上升的語感。

      我們生活在一個最好的時代,日新月異,琳瑯滿目,有時候我背起背包出一趟遠門,到山村和靜止中去,回到城市,曬黑的皮膚會讓我有一些自卑感,這種感覺,似乎你離開文明一段時間,如同離開一堆正在生長發育的鋼鐵,回來他長的比你高,本質比你硬,用途比你強,被人群簇擁,抬起來。你害怕這所有的一切,會對正在衰弱和黯淡的你,某一刻發生某種不可預估的戳透。

      不安定,是工業文明下,拜物環境中生理衰退時所產生的體感,一進一退,信息時代放大了物理知識,也放大了人體的強與弱。二十多歲時,我的身體能熬過幾個通宵去做好一份文案,制作一個電腦游戲腳本。一年換了三家公司就職,或是一口氣讀完一本書,與那些瘋狂的城市女孩,凌晨兩點半還坐在肯德基醒酒廝混,一切行為都不閱讀結果,沒有目的,沒有規劃,全憑歡喜。年輕,生理上的任性,不顧一切的使用人體。而三十歲以后,我開始被縮小,怕黑又怕光,怕冷又怕熱,怕困也怕困了睡不著,怕孤獨也怕人群,一支接一支抽煙,辦公桌上的綠蘿被熏死,我像是看見了一個房間的世界末日。

      甚至,我也不再需要過多的社交關系,在一個很小的分岔路口,人與人便生了陌路的心。一個不斷更新,變化的場,在創造中人可以被無限放大,也能被無限縮小至虛無,虛構。僅僅維護親人之間的血緣義務,生活圈子越活越小,沒什么面子卻很踏實。人的社會屬性,逐漸演化至只需要功能,這種功能是符號和標簽過的物質第一性,而不是一種誠實和興趣,在欣賞不能的高頻率中,社交是功能性的,道德是功能性的,文學寫作是功能性的,審美是功能性的,甚至靈魂這個詞,也是在功能性使用時,才得以存在,我們做每一件事追求有意義,這個意義,也演化為功能上的意義,像一份說明書,聲明書,師出有名,才能增益最大化,還是一種商業上的思維。存在這個概念,和人文主義同樣是宗教的,哲學的,抽象的人生觀。社會活動呈現頻繁與迅猛,超過生態的猛,經濟性的猛,欲望的放大需要生理性不懈支持,往往忽略精神和心理上的科學。沒有人可以活在未來,你有多久沒有流過血,流過眼淚?但你一直都在流汗,衰老。個體與個體之間不進則退,不流汗就會流血流淚,在速度中,成年人的精神世界異常脆弱,崩潰時悄無聲息,經不起推敲,容易被惡化的生態環境所蠱惑,欺騙,榨取。成年人的情感也產生了變化,越沒有聲響越安好,發出聲響的時候,往往是又一次不顧一切,自我違建,亦或自我拆除。

      這個過程后,生存環境是否會呈現一種放大的冷漠與淡薄。

      人與人的冷漠,功能性,是在什么時候形成的?是從別人都開始以陌生的方式對待你,而別人的冷漠又是從什么時候開始,這樣挖掘,根源像一門社會學科的起源,或是歷史功能,我非常懷念那個隔著千山萬水,就能彈琴,誠信約見。敢哭敢笑的年代,我能唱哪個時代最好的歌,可你還愿意聽嗎?

      你肯定愿意,但你不能輕易相信我的真誠,而我沒有辦法向你證明我的真誠,因為我沒有被功能性的標簽和符號過,我沒有增益的功能,即沒有良好的社交條件。

      敲下這句話時,我的靈魂必然無處安放,也可能是這個時代為數不多,還相信靈魂存在的人,我所掌握的知識和閱歷還不能解釋,身體里推動我寫詩分行的那個存在,我越來越清晰的感受到它有形狀,有力感,也有溫差,與環境的感受有因果,卻沒有唯物性。

      也不知道從什么已經形成,青少年當中越來越多少年老成者,年紀輕輕就很世故,務實。強烈的渴望社會歸屬性,他們的身體,講話做事風格,都像一堆已經出爐,正在增值的城市鋼鐵,同時又缺乏青春的擱淺和想象力,像一枚太陽下的戒指被鑄造,越來越符合陌生的社會環境,并勇敢向冷漠的環境進取,我并不懷疑年輕人的能力和創造力,卻憂患于一種審丑,具有更強的危害性,有時候我偏執的認為,不是生態變差了,而是生態的控制力正在衰老,因減弱而加強,衰老是一種惡意,烙下來的敵意,有歷史的,有生理的,人體的強弱,或在五月的燥熱開始,古老的文字已無法記錄。

      2019.5.26

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    書簽: 百家號(點擊直達) 編輯:素顏鴿
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